Kids - questions and answers

Q: What did one eye say to the other ?
A: Just between you and me ... there's something that smells.
Q: Why were the screams coming from the kitchen ?
A: The cook was beating the eggs.
Q: Who were the first people to invent a plane that couldn't fly ?
A: The wrong brothers.
Q: What is the biggest ant?
A: An Elephant
Q: If a rooster laid a brown egg and a white egg, what kind of chicks would hatch?
A: None. Roosters Don't Lay Eggs!
Q: What do you lose every time you stand up?
A: Your Lap!
Q: Where does a blackbird go for a drink?
A: To a crow bar.
Q: What did the Russian call his pet rodent?
A: Comrat.
Q: What's the name of the snake that joined the Canadian police force?
A: Mountie Python.
Q: When do cannibals leave the table?
A: After everyone's eaten.
Q: What is a cannibal's favorite TV show?
A: A Celebrity Roast.
Q: What has 4 legs and one arm?
A: A pit bull leaving a playground.
Q: How do you get down from an elephant?
A: You don't, you get down from a duck.
Q: What is grey and not there.
A: No elephants.
Q: Why are elephants wrinkled?
A: Have you ever tried to iron one?
Q: How do you know if there is an elephant under the bed?
A: Your nose is touching the ceiling.
Q: How do you stop an elephant from charging?
A: Take away his credit card.
Q: Why do elephants have trunks?
A: Because they would look silly with glove compartments.
Q: What do you give a seasick elephant?
A: Lots of room.
Q: What was the elephant doing on the road?
A: Oh, maybe 2 miles per hour.
Q: How to catch a squirrel?
A: Climb the tree and act like a nut.
Q: Where do cows go for lunch?
A: The "calf"-eteria.
Q: What do you get from a pampered cow?
A: Spoiled Milk.
Q: What did the farmer do after he was done milking the first cow?
A: He milked the "udder" one!
Q: A snake and an undertaker wanted to get married. What will they put on their towels?
A: Hiss and hearse!
Q: Why do birds fly south for the winter?
A: Because it's to far to walk.
Q: What's black and white and eats like horse?
A: A zebra.
Q: What is the first thing you should do after a steam roller runs over your foot?
A: Call a toe truck.
Q: Where was Humpty Dumpty last seen?
A: Great Falls.
Q: Why do Eskimos wash their clothes in Tide?
A: Because it is too cold outtide.

List of texts and stories

  1. City Boy
  2. How To Install Software: A 12-Step Program
  3. A Day at the Bar
  4. A Divine Sign
  5. Why did the chicken cross the road?
  6. Religions
  7. How Do You Translate That?
  8. One liners
  9. Have you ever wondered?
  10. Creative Answering Machine Messages
  11. The Biggest Lies of All
  12. Bumper Sticker
  13. Real Church Announcements
  14. In the Courtroom
  15. From Driving Exams
  16. Fun in elevator
  17. From Students' Exams
  18. Kids - questions and answers
  19. Murphy's Military Laws
  20. Newspaper Headlines
  21. How to Pass Your Exams
  22. How to Order Pizza by Phone
  23. Programmer Bulb Jokes
  24. Real Advertisements
  25. Fun With Your Roommate
  26. The World's Thinnest Books